KIND SPEECH COMES FROM AN ENLIGHTENED HEART.
There’s truth in the old saying, “talk is cheap because words are easy”. Words are an unlimited resource for dialogue. Language is at the top of the brain’s evolutionary ladder and serves us well for communicating everything from the simplest to the most grand thoughts and feelings that make us human beings. The myriad effects of what we say run from comfort and illuminating to cutting and harmful, so what we say to, and about, others has enormous consequences.
Because we have a highly developed cultural society, and because we have big brains, we talk a lot. We can’t help it, our brains are designed that way. Much of it is useful, but much more of it is simply rambling and long-winded chatter. I remember Eva Wong, one of my dear qigong teachers, saying that discursive talking is a huge drain on our innate energy; it is one reason why silence is so highly regarded in all wisdom traditions. The most prevalent form of discursive talking is gossip.
Everyone loves to gossip. It seems so natural and effortless to talk about other people, especially when we are among friends. We feel supported by folks that we think will agree with our opinions so we talk freely without much restraint. Sometimes this gossip can be praise and admiration; this reinforces our emotional bonds and gives us a positive feeling about them and ourselves. But too often it is critical and injurious; this creates a dark cloud over our feelings about them and, too, about ourselves. When our speech is negative, we feel negative – we actually are negative. This pall may be subtle but it causes us to become narrow in mind and closed in heart.
There is a universal religious teaching that all human beings are worthy of love, respect and kindness. The great zen master Dogen, when speaking about the value of a community, said “kind speech can change the destiny of a nation”. Suppose we took this seriously and slowed down our tendency to gossip, gave more thought to what we are about to say. What would happen if we made a conscious effort to speak positively about others and to listen more closely to what others have to say?
The United States is in a presidential election season which will severly test our capacity for kind speech. Think about it. Don’t waste your energy on negative venting. Yes, for sure you should express your honest opinions in a constructive manner. But not to the point of relentless vilification of the other candidate. That will do you more harm than good. Put your energy into defining the achievements of your chosen person. Do it with composure and kindness toward everyone. Then take a deep breath and relax.
The tendency to spread rumors and talk in derogatory tones does not speak well of us. In fact it often shows that we suffer a bias of negativity; we don’t feel good about ourselves so we don’t feel good about other people. This is the pandemic of delusion. We all go through this to some degree because we are under the misconception that we are over here and every one else is over there. We can suffer from separation.
We can lose the true meaning of our humanity because of what we think and what we say. The Dhammapada tells us, “Our life is the creation of our mind. If a person speaks or acts with an impure mind, suffering will follow as surely as the wheels of a cart follow the tracks of the ox that pulls it.”
We can rid our mind of impure thinking. It’s really not hard, but it does take awareness and the purposeful effort to use kind speech. In the overwhelm of modern life, it can seem like a tall order. But if, rather than rush into discursive talking, we mindfully speak in a way that is kind and compassionate we may see an astounding reaction in all of us. Everyone needs our kind speech and can benefit from that expression of goodwill, including us, the speaker.
There’s truth in the old axiom that if you can’t say something good about the other person don’t say anything at all. That’s where silence is golden. But you can take that further along the path of enlightenment and actively cultivate a compassionate heart by expressing kind thoughts. It’s actually a practice where you consciously use considerate words to communicate what needs to be said without a negative bias.
This isn’t make-believe; this is really expressing what you truly are – a kind and compassionate person who is speaking from their full humanity. No matter what you need to say to someone – or about someone – it is possible to speak from a heartfelt sense of kindness. When we do this it is a monumental step toward mitigating the anger that is endemic in our modern society. Kindness is the antidote to the poison of anger. It really is possible to increase your capacity for kindheartedness and goodwill. It only takes a moment to have a pause of patience and think about what you are about to say.
The cultivation of kindness is a focal point in the practice of Spring Qigong. The meditation called Inner Nourishing and the qigong exercise of Nourishing Liver Qi are practical ways in which you can enhance and increase you output of kindness.